Billionaires Are Migratory Birds Who Fly to Tax Havens Every Winter
Sounds absurd? Since birds are descended from dinosaurs, scientists now believe billionaires may possess DNA inherited from a long-extinct predatory species—making them genetically different from most humans, as many people had already suspected.
Researchers identify their distinctive characteristics:
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They have hollow bones, allowing them to travel by private jet.
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They nest on superyachts and defend their territory with lawyers.
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Their mating call sounds like: “If you tax wealth, we’ll all leave.”
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They feed mainly on public subsidies, distressed companies and small competitors.
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Although extremely numerous at Davos, they remain officially classified as an endangered species.
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Their natural predators include investigative journalists, tax inspectors and disappointed former wives.
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During courtship, the male billionaire displays his rocket.
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When frightened, they release a cloud of accountants.
The US government has proposed making billionaires a protected species, meaning that any attempt to tax, regulate or disturb their nesting grounds could be prosecuted as poaching. The European Union wants them fitted with tracking devices and charged a carbon tax during migration, but Luxembourg and Ireland have already threatened to veto the plan.
The British government refuses to tax them because disrupting their migration might be “cruel to wildlife.” Instead, ordinary taxpayers are ordered to leave bowls of champagne and government contracts outside their homes.
Scientists attempted to tag Elon Musk, but he purchased the research institute, dismissed the scientists and reclassified himself as a planet.
